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I have to get up in the morning
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I [...]
Continue reading...Iron this!
5. July 2009
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes [...]
Baby On Board
28. March 2009
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You shouldn’t take that. You tell him off – go [...]
College guys are so clever
10. March 2009
Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen, were discussing what kind of work would supply mem with big bucks after graduation. “Well, I’ve always thought I’d like to be a doctor,” said Higginbote. “Specialize in something or other. Like obstetrics, maybe.”
“Obstetrics?” scoffed Goldstein. “At the rate science is going, you’d no sooner learn all about it when [...]
Like the stars
8. March 2009
“Your teeth are like the stars,” he said, As he pressed her hand, so white. He spoke the truth, for, like the stars, Her teeth came out at night!
Continue reading...The Turtle and the Hare
8. March 2009
Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup.
Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.
Gnu’s ear
8. March 2009
The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the gnu. If the gnu’s ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that [...]
Continue reading...On a date?
8. March 2009
There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truckthrough the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day the [...]
Continue reading...A dead Zoo
8. March 2009
Fred’s class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” asked her mother when she got home.
“Oh, yes,” replied Fred. “But it was funny going to a dead zoo.”
What bus should I take home?
8. March 2009
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how
ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.
Dad,” the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …”
“Yes, son?” the [...]
25. September 2009
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