At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a
larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave
because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago,
stands up and proclaims: ‘If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a
new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport
their children!’

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, ‘If
the Vicar will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary and
establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education
of his children!’

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, ‘If the Vicar
stays, I will give him sex.’

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:

Mrs. Jones, you’re a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to
say that?’

Agnes’s 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to
side, while his wife replies:

‘Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ‘Fuck
him’

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